Having a baby is weird. It does weird things to your body image.
Before I was pregnant I was a bit obsessed with my weight. I tried really hard not to be. The media and the patriarchy make woman feel the need to look good and thin=good. As a feminist I wanted to be comfortable with who I am and not strive to be thin. But I can’t help it. I’m indoctrinated OK?
Anyways I probably weighed myself every day and what the scales said really influenced my mood. I was always watching what I ate. When I met up with friends we would talk about food, losing weight, what clothes fit and didn’t fit, what our weight loss goals were. It wasn’t all we talked about but the conversations were peppered.
Then I got pregnant and everything changed… I spent 9 months hoping my tummy would look bigger.. Wearing tight clothes to show off my bump.. Eating cake and ice cream every day.. Just not counting calories and not limiting myself. I didn’t go nuts.. I still ate pretty healthily I just had treats too and I felt so free.
When I had my big bump I don’t think I’d ever felt so body confident in my life.
Then the baby came out and I had this weird jiggly belly.. It was like a water bed! It’s not so bad now.. But I have fatter legs and bum.. fatter arms. I’ve got more cellulite. My boobs are enormous. It’s all different. Bigger. Not necessarily bad.. Just different. It doesn’t feel like my body. My old clothes either don’t fit or don’t suit me. I don’t know how to dress properly.
And now my mentality is sort of halfway between how I was pre pregnancy and when I was preggo.. I’m not obsessed.. I don’t weigh myself.. I can’t diet cos in breastfeeding.. I still talk about it with friends a bit too much.
I’m trying to lose weight but slowly and healthily.. But I still eat a Magnum a day. Sometimes I feel big and fat.. Sometimes I think.. Hey not bad for someone who just had a baby!
And I’m back to trying to be body confident and battling with myself.
It’s different now. But it’s the same.
Circle of life I guess.
Now pass the chockie bickies…. Breastfeeding is my cardio.