To formula or not to formula

I’ve breastfed Fred since he was born..exclusively at first and then adding solid food to his diet from 5 months…If I couldn’t be there I pumped my boobs to replace the feeds I missed.

I’m really lucky because I always found breastfeeding easy and relatively painless. Fred latched well from the very beginning and I was on a high needs ward for the first few days after his birth, getting loads of one to one support from the midwives. There were moments when he latched wrong and it hurt but it was never that bad. There were other moments when I felt like a cow…enormous hard breasts that constantly leaked milk…And exhausted from constant feeds all day and all night…

But I love breastfeeding…I’ve never really been shy about doing it in public and don’t cover up when I do.
Basically I’m a real advocate for breastfeeding but I know a lot of mums make the decision to use formula milk..either from the beginning exclusively, or combi feeding or they breastfeed for as long as possible and then switch over. I know there are myriad reasons for using formula and none of them are any one’s business but the mums in question…

I’ve recently decided to give Fred a bit of formula..I can’t pump much milk any more and I’ve got a wedding coming up that Fred isn’t coming to..it’s a very close friend and so I either don’t go or I supplement Fred’s meals with some formula…

So I gave him a bit to see if he liked it and he chowed down on it like nobody’s business. I was a bit offended but also a bit like..ooo what is this magical elixir….
Coincidentally, a few days later, Fred really bit my nipple when feeding and every feed after that was agony so I fed him from just one boob for a day..I had to supplement with formula though, I just didn’t have enough milk..And in the subsequent days there seem to have been more and more reasons to “just give him one bottle”.

I feel guilty that I’m not feeding him from my own milk..then I think..but he eats solids too what’s the difference? It’s like a milk shake!
But I’d come so far!
Who cares?
But I don’t have a “good” reason!
What’s a “good” reason?
But I want to breast feed him till he’s at least one.
You still can!

And so on and so forth.

And actually I’m like this all day long about everything…naps, meals, walks, baby groups, bed time. EVERYTHING.

Am I particularly neurotic? Or is this motherhood?

Anyways..Every decision I make about Freddie has Freddie’s best interests at heart. I have to keep reminding myself of that. And when that’s the case, no decision is wrong..it’s just what you have to do.

Apart from today when I went bra shopping. That was for me. And he showed me what he thought about that.

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And here’s one of him in the bath.

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And here’s one of him playing with his Nanny Lin’s priceless record collection.

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Oh and here’s one of him when he was tiny and dressed like a ghost pirate.

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