#pelvicfloor

I recently wrote that I had promised myself I would wash my face, floss, do my knee physio exercises and my pelvic floors every night.

I’m not doing very well.

I also lasted exactly 7 days of dry January. And 1 day of the 30 day crunch challenge.

It was all a bit much.

But my friend Laura recommended this great app that helps you do your pelvic floor exercises. I love it! It’s called Squeezy and it’s made by the NHS. You get an alarm three times a day and it times your “squeezes”.
A lot of the time I’m in the middle of something but I do it normally at least once a day, often more.
It’s like a fun game!

Before I was preggo I never did my pelvic floors..I saw Samantha talk about it once on Sex and the City and thought oh ok it’s for older ladies. And never thought about it again.

When I was pregnant I read I should be doing them every day but blah blah blah I couldn’t be bothered. Occasionally I’d run for a bus and have a little accident (the truth of pregnancy) and thought oh yeah I should do that. And then didn’t.

Then I pushed a baby out and had an episiotomy and had to be all stitched up and now I can’t hold in my wee for long..I CANNOT run for a bus or jump on a trampoline (these statements are evidence based).

It’s time to get serious.

There’s no point in telling pregnant ladies to do their exercises cos it’s too boring..they won’t do it.

They can just get this fun app instead when their baby’s one like me.

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Happyness

Did you see that film Happyness with Will Smith years ago? I don’t really remember that much about it, apart from it was SO GOOD and I cried. You should watch it.

Topical!

I fancied Will Smith so much in school..me and my friend Tash used to write WILL SMITH IS HORNY on our folders with a picture of horns. I don’t think we knew what that meant.

Anyway this post is actually about the things in my life that make me HAPPY right now.
I tend to always be thinking about things I want..I’m such a terrible consumer..so I think I need to start stopping and thinking about the good things in my life instead.

FRED IS SUPER CUTE
Everything Fred does right now is amazing.
One thing he loves doing is bursting into the room and shouting AAAEEEYYY which is Fred for hello. I love it, it’s so good. It’s even cuter than when he was about 6 or 7 months and he would wave at the leaves moving in the trees. And that was CUTE.

I FEEL CONFIDENT
I was talking to some friends the other day and as I was chatting I realised I hadn’t doubted myself in ages..maybe a whole month. I spent a full year doubting myself so this feels GOOD. Also at work I’m feeling quite good and confident although I’ve only been back two days and not had to actually do anything taxing. But a woman said to me that she had come back after maternity leave and felt deskilled…I really don’t feel like that.

I HAVE A LOVELY HUSBAND
Sure, we bicker over the SMALLEST shit all the time but when it comes down to it, we try and make time for each other..we cuddle and tell each other we love each other every day and occasionally we go on a date. That’s about all you can ask for with a small child (is he a toddler?). He’s amazing and I love him!

I’M LOSING WEIGHT!
This certainly isn’t the be all and end all but in two weeks of clean eating I’ve lost two kilos (about 4.5 lbs). It’s nice to know I’m being healthy and it’s working..I don’t want to be a stick but I’m overweight according to my BMI so I’m glad things are going in the right direction. Now..I read when you stop breastfeeding, all the fat disappears from your thighs so I’ll just wait for that to happen yeah?

I LOVE MY HOUSE
There’s loads to do but I love it! I spend so long thinking of things to buy and do to improve it, I can forget how much I love it. It’s so cute and what we’ve done so far has made it the best home I’ve ever had.

I HAVE A GREAT NETWORK OF MUMS
I’ve got loads of groups of mum friends and they’re a constant source of laughs, reassurance and entertainment. And my best friend is a mum now and we meet every week and what’s better than getting to hang out with your bestie EVERY WEEK cos that’s your life now?

THE GILMORE GUYS
I found this podcast by two guys who are watching every episode of the Gilmore Girls in order and talking about it. I LOVE IT. Certainly making my commute a fun journey.

Right I won’t go on anymore but writing this has put me in an amazing mood though I highly recommend it.

Bye!

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My First Day Back: LIVE BLOG!!

Hi everyone..today is my first day back at and I’m LIVE BLOGGING IT!

Stay tuned for my updates throughout the day…
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6.51
I’m on the 6.51 train which bodes very well as I did assume my first update would be me moaning about the trains.
I woke up way before my alarm today and snuck around trying not to wake the baby which wasn’t easy cos I had to make my nutribullet..also packed myself a flask of coffee!
I got a bit emoshe walking out the door but now I’m listening to the Gilmore Guys podcast and feeling better…wondering if my makeup is ruined yet..also my fringe looks terrible..catch you later!

7.39
On my third train…have done so much fast walking already I’m bound to lose a stone in the next month.
Keep getting panicked I’m on the wrong train and I keep smiling at strangers cos I forgot you’re not meant to do that. Forgot I was streaming my podcast so it cut out as soon as I went underground. Dammit. I’ve just left the earphones in though to “blend in”.
Got my flask out too…mainly cos I was worried about spillage..I’m not even tired..I’ve had SEVEN HOURS CONTINUOUS SLEEP…. I can do anything on that…
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10.15

I seem to be running on some kind of crazy adrenaline..I’m in a super good mood, I keep smiling at things that aren’t happy or good..like how the organisation is basically collapsing and no one will have a job anymore soon…he took his nap at the usual time and hasn’t woken up yet guys! Stop panicking!
Side note..my office is a dump.
I’m not even hungry yet and all I’ve had to eat today is nothing..just my veggie shake..maybe putting half an avocado in it worked!

Have texted my parents twice for baby updates..I’m so lucky Fred’s with them and not at a nursery that I have to call up for reassurance.

10.58

Been on hold with IT for twenty mins already.
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12.58

Popped out to try and buy some ginger tea bags and get a fringe trim…
I’m feeling pretty good..people seem genuinely happy to have me back and interested in how I’ve been..just had a chat with two people about Baby Jake and In the Night Garden..
I’ve been very careful not to go into detail with anyone about Fred’s nap schedule because as I learned on my keep in touch day..people don’t care!

I’ve also had a colleague give me a really great compliment on my skills..
One person said oh god how do you feel being back do you feel like you have no skills and I was like no not really..would a man feel like that? No way. So neither do I ..shout out to Kirsty for that gem of advice!

3.48

Well I’m done at work for the day! I’m on the tube home at the moment…as a jolly little treat, my entire water bottle emptied in my bag and I had to pour it out into my coffee flask on the floor of the district line train. Fun!

Apart from that I’ve had a good day. It’s been so surreal..I’ve felt completely normal being there..doing profesh stuff and discussing projects. It’s been a pretty easy day but my manager and friend, Felicity, asked me to do a piece of work and she was pretty chill about it..like hey if you have time for this could you do it but don’t worry…but I felt like I HAD to do it quickly and get it back to her..my first challenge! And she was really impressed. It’s such a small thing but I’m glad my first day wasn’t just sitting on hold with IT and sorting my badge out.

Now I’ll drip home to Fred..
I’ll update later on our tearful reunion.
FYI he’s apparently been having the best day ever, laughing his head off and sleeping for hours on end.

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7.22

Well the baby is asleep…I managed some precious time with him..It actually wasn’t that precious cos he shoved me out of the way to get to my dad when I got in..then my mum kept hogging him..But it was still lovely to see him.
We had a lovely milk cuddle at bedtime too.

All in all, I had a good day..this is doable. I’m a capable professional womanmum.
Yes. Womanmum.

Thanks for sticking with me today I hope you enjoyed my blow by blow account!

Here’s a pic of our tearful goodbye this morning..well..I was tearful..he was trying to watch Baby Jake.
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An ode to Freddie

Today was my last day off before I go back to work…well…my last weekday..and I’ll only be working three days a week..But still.

I’ve been trying to have a really fun week with Fred to really cherish it.

On Monday we went to an aquarium..

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On Tuesday we went to a soft play and had a fun play date…

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He's just along for the ride

On Wednesday we had our favorite baby group, Tiny Talk…

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I don't have a photo of tiny talk so here's one of him in a cardi from earlier that morning

On Thursday..err…I left Fred with my parents so I could go to Specsavers….ignore that one.

And today I thought we’d go to Crystal Palace for lunch.

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Eating out with a one year old is a tricky business you just don’t know what happen..but he was DELIGHTFUL.
He happily munched on cheese on toast, looking around, saying hi to strangers, laughing to himself, playing with his duck. It was the best meal out I’ve ever had…I’m so happy.

That’s the thing about Fred right now…he throws tantrums sometimes and a lot of the time ALL he wants to do is climb the stairs over and over and then make me read Fame Mouse 500 times to him.
But he’s also the CUTEST he’s ever been…he’s so funny!

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Anyway..Fred thank you for an amazing year…It’s been a rollercoaster and I love you more than life itself. Thank you for a wonderful day and thank you for this.

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At the time of writing I’ll be honest I got a little choked up…espesh as I was writing it one handed while I gave Fred his bed time feed….

Gonna work it out

Well next week my maternity leave comes to an end..I’ve been off work now for almost 14 months and now I have to leave my precious little boy and be a normal person again…

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I got this app where I can draw on photos I love it

Yesterday I read a blog on Selfish Mother about returning to work after a baby (she called it a mumback..amazing) and it inspired me to share my feelings on the matter…

I haven’t been thinking about it really..I’ve been maybe in denial about it happening…or I’ve accepted it so wonderfully that I’m not bothered. I’m not 100% which one it is. Either way I’m not feeling any anxiety. Although today I started having a mini freak out about money so maybe I’m transferring again.

One thing I know for sure..when I go back I want everyone to think..wow she looks great. I want to look slamming, cool and profesh.

Woo independent career woman over here!

I should probably worry more about how I might not know how to do my job anymore but I’m not. A friend recently went back to work and she was feeling anxious about not being good at what she does anymore..she then told herself “hey, a man would never doubt himself like this” and stopped.

I think that’s so true! I’ve talked a Iot on here about how much I doubt myself as a mother..do dads do that? I guess they’re not normally the sole care giver all day but I know Dan doesn’t ever doubt himself or his fathering abilities…

So my approach to returning to work is “OF COURSE I CAN DO IT…I did it for ages and got really far and did really well before my year away to RAISE A CHILD AND FEED HIM WITH MY OWN BREASTS”

But in my mission to return to work looking great, I have my capsule wardrobe sorted. I’ll give myself a facial and manicure at the weekend. I would take a long relaxing bath too but our bath is really narrow and my bum gets stuck.

And to feel organised and in control, on Sunday I’ll batch cook loads of meals and freeze them for Fred’s dinners and I’ll make loads of quinoa for mine and Dan’s lunches cos I’m obsessed with quinoa bowls.

Oh yeah and I have these cool pencils and notebook.

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I’ll let you know how it goes obviously…
And btw you can check our daily updates of my capsule wardrobe on my instagram page although after living it for a month I’ll do a post on it all and how it went…
You can also see daily updates of all my food (yippie for you).

#pramchat

When I was preggo with Fred, my mum and dad v kindly offered to buy us a pram, pushchair, travel system thingy.
Buying our pram, pushchair travel system thingy is the biggest fuck up I’ve ever made. Excuse my language but that’s what it was.

My process of buying our Cosatto Giggle Treet travel system (i know right) went like this…

Sister in law sends me link to Mothercare sale
I see pic of cosatto blah blah system..
I go oo it’s pretty and it’s half price!
I buy it.

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After we got it we realised it didn’t come with a car seat so then we separately bought the matching car seat.

ARGH!

Once the baby came we got a subscription to Which? Magazine and now we ONLY buy Which best buys. I also cross reference with comments on mumsnet and other mum blogs.

I can’t believe for two such important aspects of a mum’s life, pushchair and car seat..I did no research, no comparing, nothing.
The truth is, you don’t really know what you’re looking for in a pram until you’re using it every day but literally 5 minutes of googling would have brought up safer car seats and more practical pushchairs. 10 minutes browsing in John Lewis would have shown that the pram I chose wasn’t rubbish but could have been better.
Well you don’t know but it’s a big regret.

Anyways, for the last year I’ve been a massive pram bore..I’m always telling anyone who’ll listen about my pram woes..strangers at the bus stop, mum friends, baby group leaders, all my friends who don’t even have babies…ANYONE…And probably over and over again.
Pram bore.

Well no more!
I researched the best pram on the market..the uppababy vista..and I bought a second hand one on gumtree yesterday!
Hooray!
It’s so brilliant…

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To the untrained eye this might not look much different to the one I already have and the untrained eye is wrong.

Now I’ll sell my own on ebay or gumtree..hopefully potential buyers won’t read this blog or I’ll lose the sale.

It’s a great pram ok I’m only selling cos it doesn’t suit ME and my lifestyle.
Ahem.

Advice for expecting mums…do a little bit of research before you buy and having a big shopping basket underneath is the most important thing you could ask for!

Squeaky Clean

Hi!
This week I gave myself a mini facial. “What’s a mini facial?” I hear you ask…well, it’s when you nip upstairs to put some laundry away and while you’re up there you spot all the lovely goodies you got for Christmas and decide to use them all real quick before your husband notices you’ve been gone.

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I was a very lucky girl this year and I got loads of no. 7 stuff which I love so while I was locked in the bathroom for 7 minutes I cleansed my face with this lovely balm…you rub it all in and it just melts the makeup off. I use a flannel to remove it..I do this every day, morning and night (if I can be bothered) with a new flannel each time.

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Then I used this other stuff that I got for my birthday last year..It’s called Magic Rite, Born Yesterday by Mary Quant…you rub it on, leave it a bit and it goes all hot and then you massage your face and then you wash it off. It feels nice! And if it magically makes your face hot it must be good eh?

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Then I use this exfoliate..just rub it in, wash it off.

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Then I put on night cream…It was almost night! And then eye cream.

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Very quick and look how well scrubbed I looked afterwards!

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And there you have it.
It was a lovely treat, my skin has felt quite nice since and it didn’t take long.
You don’t need fancy products either…you can swap out the face balm stuff for coconut oil and the hot massage stuff for a homemade honey or egg white face mask (or any home made face mask!) And you can exfoliate with nutmeg mixed into milk, it really works. I don’t have a home remedy for eye cream though. Sorry. Or night cream. Just Google it ok have some independence!

Ok bye!

Sleep sleep where for art though sleep?

Who knew a life could be so dictated by another person’s sleep pattern?
I’ve spent a full year obsessed with Fred’s sleep.

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OMG HE SLEPT FOR 4 HOURS STRAIGHT! (Jan)

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OMG HE’S BEEN ASLEEP FOR 6 HOURS SHOULD I WAKE HIM UP? (Feb)

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT EVERY TIME HE WOKE UP IN THE LAST 24 HOURS (Jan-present day)

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HE ONLY NAPPED FOR HALF AN HOUR (April to August)

HE’S BEEN NAPPING FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!! (Magic 6 weeks that seem like a dream now)

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Current sleep bore statements are about how he’s only sleeping ten hours at night and only naps for half an hour at a time…oh and he’s up at FIVE AM…

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I have a friend who’s baby sleeps for about 13 hours at night and naps for about 3 and a half hours in the day…

But you have to stop yourself from being jealous..every baby is different..plus, everyone always thinks other mums have it better than them..there’s always something a mum is worried about or wishes was different.

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Also, I know I’ve tried EVERYTHING. I’ve followed all the rules, I’ve tried every technique. Fred is a gorgeous baby..he’s healthy, he’s mostly happy..I just need to ride it out..appreciate what I have and get my mum to babysit every now and then so I can have a lie in..
Barring that..I’m going back to work in two weeks..I’ll sleep on the train!

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Cruel Intentions

Well now that Fred is one I’ve decided I need to shift some of this darned baby weight..

Note to anyone who’s planning on having a baby..breastfeeding your baby does NOT equal being able to eat whatever you want and the weight still melt away…

I did live on cake, chockie bickies and magnums at one point and I lost some weight anyways..But I’m talking a couple of pounds over a year! Well probably 8 lbs..then Christmas happened.

So anyway I’ve decided to go on a diet..for one month I’ll be “eating clean” which basically means no processed food..so no refined sugar..no bread or pasta unless it’s a weird special kind..

To give you some examples of what I’m eating..today for breakfast I had a smoothie in our magic healthy smoothie maker. It had kale, apple, pear, almond milk and banana.

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For lunch I had a quinoa bowl with quinoa, roasted butternut, yellow pepper, spring onion, chick peas, avocado, feta and rocket.

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For dinner we had prawns cooked in avocado pesto with brown rice!

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Sorry this does actually look rank but it was very tasty

The most important thing I guess is that I can’t have booze or bread which will curb some bad habits.

Doing this diet is the only thing that kept me going through the Christmas period when I was so bloated I looked pregnant and none of my rings fit. Even my big rings I only wear when I’m hot!

I’m also hoping it will help with these headaches I’ve been getting every day…

I’ll let you know how I get on in a month!

Also I’m trying to do my pelvic floor exercises, my knee physio stretches and floss my teeth. And wash my face every night before bed. EVERY NIGHT!!

I know that might sound rank to you that I don’t already floss or wash my face every day but by bedtime I’m SO TIRED I can’t be bothered sometimes. It’s just who I am ok?

Not any more!
For the month of January anyway.

Bye!

A Little Life

I’ve called this blog post this because I just finished a book of the same title (really good but depressing and epic..by Hanya Yanagihara)..I just thought it fit because Fredrik Moss Hogan is now ONE. And his life is little. But also big! He’s got full days of family and friends and play and more toys than Hamleys.

I’ve been thinking about Fred’s life a lot as his first birthday approached and I really feel like I’ve learned so much about myself since he was born. Here are some of my reflections…and a lot of selfies…

Being a mum is unexpectedly hard

I thought I’d be a natural…and by natural I mean no worries, no cares, no self doubt, no boredom, no stress.
Now that I’m a mum I of course know that being worried, full of self doubt, getting bored and stressed with your baby don’t mean you’re not a natural mum at all…But obvs before I had Fred I knew NOTHING.

Before I had the baby I remember saying to colleagues WOO I get a year off work! And they were like err it’s quite hard having a baby you know and I was all yeah yeah blah blah blah.
I knew in an abstract way it would be hard but it didn’t really mean anything. I couldn’t imagine.
It’s still better than going to work though FOR DEFINITE.

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Family photo from Jan 2015

I AM a natural and good mum/bad mum is dumb

I’m always saying things like “I did this, does it make me a bad mum?”
Or “I feel like a bad mum today”
Which is stupid. I know that now.
I love my baby and I’d do anything for him and I use common sense and love and Google to make the right decisions by him. That’s really all you can ask for.

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Discovering that putting the baby in the sling is magic Feb 2015

I project..A LOT

I always knew this actually but it’s funny how much I do it.
I’ve been known to shop when stressed or feeling down..I’ve been known to stockpile chocolates when I don’t feel in control of my life..I get obsessed with how messy my cupboards are when work is busy.
With Fred, I’ve been really weirdly controlling about certain aspects of his upbringing to counteract the parts of his life I can’t control..
I can see now why I obsessively stuck to every rule in the baby led weaning book and never deviated; to compensate for not being able to control his naps or sleep.
I should know..I did study psychiatry at Harvard for 7 years.

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Breastfeeding at my dad's 59th birthday March 2015

I’m addicted to shopping

I’ll never stop wanting more more more clothes, house stuff, baby stuff, junk.
I thought having a baby would change that in me but sadly NO.

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Matching stripes in April 2015

I take a lot of selfies

I opened an instagram account on my due date and wow I take a lot of selfies. It’s good though it’s a lovely document of my fringe status.

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Now that I’ve cracked the first year I want MORE MORE MORE BABIES!!!

It’ll probably be mega easy the next time round RIGHT?

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Candid shot of us sleeping Jan 2015

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Mummy and Freddie September 2015

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Freddie in a gilet, October 2015

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The Hogans..December 2015