I’ve called this blog post this because I just finished a book of the same title (really good but depressing and epic..by Hanya Yanagihara)..I just thought it fit because Fredrik Moss Hogan is now ONE. And his life is little. But also big! He’s got full days of family and friends and play and more toys than Hamleys.
I’ve been thinking about Fred’s life a lot as his first birthday approached and I really feel like I’ve learned so much about myself since he was born. Here are some of my reflections…and a lot of selfies…
Being a mum is unexpectedly hard
I thought I’d be a natural…and by natural I mean no worries, no cares, no self doubt, no boredom, no stress.
Now that I’m a mum I of course know that being worried, full of self doubt, getting bored and stressed with your baby don’t mean you’re not a natural mum at all…But obvs before I had Fred I knew NOTHING.
Before I had the baby I remember saying to colleagues WOO I get a year off work! And they were like err it’s quite hard having a baby you know and I was all yeah yeah blah blah blah.
I knew in an abstract way it would be hard but it didn’t really mean anything. I couldn’t imagine.
It’s still better than going to work though FOR DEFINITE.
I AM a natural and good mum/bad mum is dumb
I’m always saying things like “I did this, does it make me a bad mum?”
Or “I feel like a bad mum today”
Which is stupid. I know that now.
I love my baby and I’d do anything for him and I use common sense and love and Google to make the right decisions by him. That’s really all you can ask for.
I project..A LOT
I always knew this actually but it’s funny how much I do it.
I’ve been known to shop when stressed or feeling down..I’ve been known to stockpile chocolates when I don’t feel in control of my life..I get obsessed with how messy my cupboards are when work is busy.
With Fred, I’ve been really weirdly controlling about certain aspects of his upbringing to counteract the parts of his life I can’t control..
I can see now why I obsessively stuck to every rule in the baby led weaning book and never deviated; to compensate for not being able to control his naps or sleep.
I should know..I did study psychiatry at Harvard for 7 years.
I’m addicted to shopping
I’ll never stop wanting more more more clothes, house stuff, baby stuff, junk.
I thought having a baby would change that in me but sadly NO.
I take a lot of selfies
I opened an instagram account on my due date and wow I take a lot of selfies. It’s good though it’s a lovely document of my fringe status.
Now that I’ve cracked the first year I want MORE MORE MORE BABIES!!!
It’ll probably be mega easy the next time round RIGHT?