Getting there…getting there..

So I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant now..I can say my due date is  NEXT WEEK! ARGH! 

Of course, I could still be waiting around for some time after that but I have a “feeling” she’ll be early..even if that feeling is  just wishful thinking. 

I was just remembering two years ago when I was waiting for Fred to come..it was quite a different experience..I don’t think I was so desperate..I was quite enjoying my month of mat leave before my due date..I used to go swimming, watch House boxsets, make casseroles for the freezer..I even went to a show  in central London! Once I popped to the shop for some cash….

IT’S SO DIFFERENT NOW. Basically I can’t walk..the walk to the shop is way too far..I can’t drive to the supermarket cos I can’t handle the walk around with Fred as well..it’s too much. I can’t watch boxsets all day cos I have a toddler to look after..I can’t really look after him cos I can’t walk. I can’t do anything! 

The other day I tidied up and prepared a one pot dinner..it killed me. 

My crying sessions have pretty much passed so that’s good but I obviously get frustrated and have a little whinge..yesterday I woke up at 4am thinking I was in labour but it was just a false alarm..I keep doing this every five minutes…is this it??!! Is this it??!!! 

So I had a good cry about that..”wahhhh why isn’t she here yet!!!”

I’m sure I’m remembering my first pregnancy through rose tinted glasses..I’m sure I was desperate for it to be over then too..but now I’m REALLY DESPERATE. 

Luckily, I have so much support from my family..my parents are coming up three times this week to take Fred out, help me with house stuff so I can rest and take baths, naps etc. 

Here are some things that are keeping me going:

Lipstick

I was messaging some friends that I felt like shit and they said get ready, put lipstick on, you’ll feel better. And I did! I’m going to buy myself a new shade as a little treat tomorrow. 

Epsom Salts

Never heard of them till the other day..you put them in your bath and they soothe all your aches and pains. Lovely!

Hair!

Getting my hair done on Friday..I’m thinking a blue dip dye? 

Gilmore Guys

My favourite podcast about the Gilmore Girls is out today woo! And it’s the season finale..argh!  Getting myself properly geared up for the new episodes that get released on the 25th..

Tumeric Milkshake

We’re all a little under the weather in the Hogan household so I’ve been boiling up milk with turmeric, ginger and honey to make a delicious medicine drink..Dan says it tastes like sweet curry. I love it. Fred won’t touch it. Oh well. 

More chocolate than biscuit biscuits

I love these biscuits from marksys and now Aldi do a knock off version!  Hooray! 

I’ll leave you with that and you never know, next time I post I might have a baby!

A window into my preggo life

I thought I’d write a little post about my current mental state…

I’m 35 weeks pregnant now…I feel like I’ve been pregnant for years. When I was about 9 weeks, my mum and I went shopping..I couldn’t go for long but it was a fun day. I absolutely can’t believe I was pregnant with THIS baby, it feels so long ago. And the clothes I bought have already started falling apart. 

When I found out I was pregnant, people told me it would fly by but it has DRAGGED. Not the same way it did the first time..not the constant worry and clock watching. It’s just slow. 

This pregnancy is hard. I can recall one week when I felt good. When I got the “bloom”. But mainly it’s been a parade of back pain, pelvic girdle pain, headaches, dizziness, breathlessness, heartburn, sleeplessness, feeling weak and low on energy, nausea. It’s all never ending. If it’s not one thing it’s another. It’s become so bad I can barely walk. Yesterday Fred and I walked to the tesco at the end of the road and it took me 20 minutes instead of 5. And it hurt. But I HAD to have a chockie bickie you see. Needs must. 

Anyway all of that makes me feel low. I worry I’m not being a good enough mum; that I’m not giving Fred what he needs. I can’t really cook him meals cos standing hurts. I can’t take him to the park or fun places. On my days off with him I get scared and worried; how will we get through it? I collapse into crying jags and can’t get myself out. 

Then I’ll feel fine after!

Yesterday Dan had to go in a bit late cos I just needed to cry. Then I was fine and Fred and I had a lovely day; I gave in to my limitations and fed him fun snacks, let him watch Thomas and Friends all morning and took him to stay and play in the afternoon (drove there) so I could sit on a chair while he went nuts and worked off some energy. 

It was a good day in the end; nothing to worry about. And this is temporary..soon we’ll have a little girl and she’ll sleep ALL THE TIME and I’ll be able to WALK! I can take them out wherever we want to go it’ll be IDYLLIC. (Come on, let me have this fantasy). 

There were lots of mums at stay and play yesterday with babies in slings, watching their toddlers go nuts. It was encouraging. 

I do get a bit scared obviously and who knows what it’ll really be like. I feel very alone a lot of the time even though I’m not alone at all. But I get all caught up in my head and feel like no one understands. 

I guess I’m writing this partly as catharsis, partly as a reminder to myself; when it feels hopeless and I feel alone..look what I wrote! When I’m feeling good and I have perspective..it’s not true! It’s hormones and fatigue talking. Ignore it! Move on! 

I’m also writing it so Dan might buy me more presents hehe. 

Bye! 
And now a photo of Fred eating a ham sandwich while staring at the telly. 

Come to Margate! My review.

So Dan and I just had a lovely two days away, sans baby, in Margate! We thought the seaside would be nice plus we could drop Fred at my mum’s and be there in an hour. I haven’t been away from Fred for two nights before so I felt safer knowing we weren’t that far away. Plus Margate is having this wonderful regen/resurge/arty, hipster rebirth. 

We stayed in a super amazing B&B, The Reading Rooms. It’s a restored Georgian townhouse..each room is an entire floor..super king bed..roll top bath and wet room shower..breakfast brought to the room to eat in the sunny window. Beautiful luxurious products in the bathroom, fluffy robes and towels, posh cafetiere and Italian biscuits for the tea and coffee facilities..it was like staying in a luxury spa. 

I just loved it. Both nights, we stayed in the room for the evening, having baths, relaxing on the big bed. It was just what I needed. 

When we weren’t soaking up the hotel room we were knocking about “the old town” pretending we could afford to spend 25 quid on some seaweed hand soap, or 15 quid on a mini cactus. 

We ate some really lovely meals..panzanella at the Greedy Cow, a gorge little cafe..white bean tuscan stew and “steak and chips” at the London Tavern..Asian fusion wonderfulness at The Ambrette. Dan drank a lot of craft ale. 

We went to the Turner Contemporary art gallery and I actually loved it and properly looked at the art, instead of just walking around really fast and heading to the gift shop. Probably cos I walk so slowly now and have to keep stopping for breaks.

The weather was pretty gorge so we hit the beach a few times. The first day we just went to the main one in town and then the b&b owner asked us what beach we’d gone to and when we told her she went “oh”. So the next day we looked up a better smaller more private one. 
On the last day we visited this amazing shell grotto..it’s basically an underground cave that’s been decorated with shell mosiac..no one knows where it came from or who did it. I have this feeling I read a novel set in Victorian times where an artist painted his muse down there. But it’s too slippery I can’t get hold of the memory. Anyway it was awesome. 

After that we went to Dreamland..I remember everyone going there when I was a teenager, but I had never gone myself. I don’t know what it was like before but now it’s this amazing pastel coloured retro funscape! I didn’t go on any rides, obvs..but Dan did while I watched. We were pretty lamo..got there as it opened…I saw Bugged Out are doing a club night there..I’ll probably just go to that. Ahem. 

I don’t want you to think the whole trip was idyllic. My body is not playing ball at the mo..I sleep badly, I wake up at 5am, my back hurts a lot so I can’t walk far. I cried once cos I thought the nail place I popped into had treated me badly. I keep getting heartburn..I get worn out and out of breath from a few minutes of walking, any incline or stairs. 

And that’s Margate!

There was one major drawback and that’s that there is a really bad excess of seaweed problem and when the tide goes out the stench is unbearable espesh for old preggo nose over here. But I can learn to breathe through my mouth. 

I looked at house prices and I can get a 5 bedroom Georgian townhouse for the price of my south London 2 bed terrace. So I’m moving there. Bye! 

Feeling Gloomy

Well I’m fed up of being pregnant at the moment. Everyone told me the second pregnancy would race by and I wouldn’t even notice it. Well it’s DRAGGING. And I can’t remember how I was coping last time..if I’m doing worse or if this is how I felt..But I’m finding it hard. 

I certainly didn’t have an easy pleasant time of it with Fred. But I think emotionally I’m struggling more. Maybe because I don’t have as much down time to rest and relax now? Maybe because the morning after a terrible night of tossing and turning, Fred woke up at 5 today because teething. 

Well anyway..this is a self indulgent moany post. Here it is..the tide of moan.nn

Back ache, constant recurring thrush, emotional bag of tears, no time or energy to exercise even though my weight is high and I keep being told I should exercise THREE TIMES A WEEK, a teething toddler who can’t be pleased, a 1.5 hour commute each way, bad skin, I cut my thumb on a mandolin, people keep smoking in my FACE.

Ok phew I feel better now. 

While writing that, all the good things kept creeping in…what about my lovely white stairs that Dan spent all weekend painting? What about my amazing new bed that Dan spent all of last weekend building? What about when Fred CAN be pleased and he runs around in a circle giggling? What about my little girl who resides in my tummy and how she constantly turns and kicks, saying hello?

I told you I’m on an emotional rollercoaster..I’m getting choked up writing this on the tube. 

I think I need to learn some mindfulness techniques for those moments when it all feels helpless. 

Any tips?

Ok I’ll leave it at that..watch out for some house improvement posts!

Here’s a selfie of me at my desk maybe you’ll have a chuckle imagining me checking who was looking first before i surreptitiously took it. 

Ootd: Beach cool

Last week there was a 3 day heat wave so naturally I bought two new dresses and an extra fan for the house in that time.

I worked for each of those days and both the commute and the office were a terrible nightmare for my 5 months pregnant self. All office attire went out of the window and I wore summer dresses and flat sandals each day. I also carried my facial spritz with me everywhere. 

At night I got into bed without drying myself after a cold shower..letting the fan do it’s magic. 

You’ve just got to know how to cope that’s all! 

Anyways, one dress I bought was from Zara of course! It’s perfect for maternity..floaty and cool. I wore it at the weekend for a blustery beach trip but I also wore it during the heat wave for work with a white cami underneath. And long shorts to protect my thighs (preggo chub rub is the WORST). 


This photo is of me with my travel fan that also spritzes water.

And here’s one of Fred at the beach…

Bye! 

SuperMama

So yesterday I had a very smug morning..Fred had a long lie in til 5.20am..(!!) and it was my turn to get up with him. Fred is consistently waking up at 4 or 4.30 am at the mo so you can understand my rejoicing. So up I got.. He was in an excellent mood so I put on peppa pig (ba ba beg being barked at me from the moment he saw me and 5am too early an hour to worry about too much TV) and put on the coffee machine.. I’ll probably just veg out on the sofa til I wake up properly right?
No! Not today, my good man!

I have friend, Lucy Vest, who writes a blog with her sister called “The Two Saving Sisters”.. It’s really good check it out.. Anyways she’s been instagramming her daily 5.30am starts where she gets up before her kids and does yoga or works out. I felt inspired!

So I got out my yoga mat and the Ipad and set myself up in the kitchen to do an ante natal yoga sesh. It was 56 minutes long and I managed about 30 mins before Fred came climbing on me wanting attention. I figured I’d ignored him enough by then and gave in. I’ve been trying to make him wait for my attention a bit recently in prep for when the baby comes.. It’s still 5 months away but every little helps!

So after playing the ceebeebies Ipad games with him for bit I was still feeling productive.. So I made a birthday cake for my sister in law. And then I made a chili!

Then Dan came down and I realised it was only 7.15am. Look at everything I’d achieved! Wow. I should just embrace early mornings with Fred..I feel amazing! I’m going to get up at 5am on work days and do a 30 minute yoga video before i get ready! I’m clearly N early morning person!

By midday I’d completely crashed. In the extreme. Grouchy, crying, zero energy, feeling shaky.

Hmm.
Not so smug anymore.

I’d been so happy to feel in control of my life and feeling like I could get fit and be healthy without feeling rushed and tired. Being pregnant, working, commuting and parenting an 18 month old are taking it out of me. There’s no time for LIFE! I’m going to bed at 8pm and constantly worried about sleep and rest. I thought I’d cracked it.

But hey. That’s what being a mum is all about I’ve found. And that’s ok.
It was still a lovely morning and I did really enjoy the yoga! And luckily it was a Saturday so I could take  nap while Dan watched Fred. Nothing bad happened!

I guess what I’m trying to say is to embrace those SuperMama moments..and not give myself a hard time when it doesn’t last.. It can’t last forever and that chili was the best I’ve ever made so there.

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How can I distract Fred? Give him his own armchair!

OOTD: MUGGY

Muggy is one of my favourite words. Others on the list are antipodean and onomatopeaia. But also muggy. I don’t like it when it is actually muggy though. It’s a sartorial nightmare. You’re hot so you want to dress summery.. But it’s probably wet and overcast too.

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So today I’m wearing a pair of maternity jeggings from h&m. Best piece of maternity wear I ever bought and still going after a whole pregnancy with Fred. I essentially wore these every day for 6 months before I had him and carried on after he was born. They are a little worse for wear now.. I need to investigate if they still stock them.

I’m wearing them with a blue cami top from topshop and white fake birkenstocks from marksys which are SO comfy. And only 25 quid! They make a little squeaky noise when I walk but birkenstocks do that too.
I’m also having a no makeup day cos my skin is really bad, I’m guessing from the pregnancy hormones..

And there you have it!
Catch you later!

Here’s a pic of my bump….and Lanny.. Or nanny as Fred calls her..

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OOTD: yes that’s right it’s nautical again

Yes I love nautical! Every time I think I’m out.. They pull me back in…the nautical clothes, that is.
Oh I just remembered a dream from this morning that fred was black! And I went to a wedding for my brother in law’s sister and my outfit was really bad.

Anyway! I just bought this dress from ASOS in a blind panic cos I don’t have  ANY work clothes all of a sudden. They’re all too small for my growing tummy. In case you are new to my blog I’m 18 weeks pregnant, not just really into magnums. Well I’m also really into magnums.

This dress isn’t my usual style, apart from being nautical.. Cos I usually prefer something fitted to show my bump..but I really love this..makes me feel like a cool floaty woman about town.

I’m wearing it with my red Boden shoes and a gold rope necklace from Accessorize. I’d prefer something colourful but my fave yellow necklace broke and I don’t like ANY of my others anymore. I need a statement necklace restock!

And there you have it!
Catch you later.

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Sorry about the gormless expression.

Lido’nt think it’s hot enough for this

So yesterday was father’s day and for Dan’s special father’s day treat he wanted to go to the Brockwell Lido gym.  We used to live by this park in South East London and it’s so beautiful.. And the lido itself is a really cool old art deco building with an Olympic size pool. I mean.. It’s really big. I think it’s probably Olympic sized. We’ll go with that.
Anyways we used to be members of the gym and it’s a really good one with a spa so that’s what he wanted to do.. Have a great work out,  chill out in the jacuzzi and steam room and then jump into the unheated lido pool.

But what about me and Fred? Well we went for a coffee in the cafe and then hung out by the lido. It wasn’t really nice enough weather most of the time although I still got sunburned. And i couldn’t swim cos Fred refused to get into the icy cold water. He just wanted to go round every single puddle he could find and splash his feet. Which resulted in a total slip over and bang of the head. It didn’t put him off though. He did this for a full hour. And went round every towel lying on the floor and happily stamping his feet on them.

After this Dan joined us and I had a proper swim.. 6 lengths. It tired me out no end cos the pool seemed to have a proper current I had to swim against. But it made me decide I needed to start exercising  regularly..twice a week go swimming once a week do yoga. It’s HAPPENING. You heard it here first!

And what to wear to the pool when you’re 17 weeks pregnant,  have ginormous preggo boobs and a big tummy that at this point just looks fat rather than actually pregnant?
Why a bikini of course!

I bought this from marksys a few weeks ago.. I figured the giant pants would work well for me.. And the bikini top came in a bra size, rather than a clothes size. This is one of my biggest bugbears..swimwear should ALWAYS come in bra sizes. I wouldn’t buy a size 14 bra,  why would I buy a size 14 bikini top? Nuts.

And why doesn’t my bikini match? Well I’m not sure I just fancied it. Plus they didn’t do the giant pants in the red style. So there.
And I’m also sporting my new ray bans. SWISH!

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Desperately Seeking Maternity Wear

So it’s a well known fact that I love shopping. That I’m pretty much addicted to clothes and shopping. LOL GIRLS LOVE SHOPPING AND SHOES LOL.

I’m sorry to womanhood for being a cliché but I do fight the patriarchy daily so I think it’s ok. Apart from when I took my husband’s surname. Ahem.
I’M A MODERN FEMINIST NO ONE DICTATES TO ME WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE.

Ok. Moving on.
I love shopping. I buy new clothes monthly. Often more.
However I’m on a massive economy drive; Meal planning, packed lunches, weekly shops in Aldi, making filter coffee in the office instead of picking one up from pret. NO CLOTHES.
We need to get ourselves out of a bit of a hole and get SAVING.. For when I’m on mat leave.
The other day I went through my calendar with my mat leave policy and a calculator, adding up my monthly salary from now until next October, factoring in half pay and no pay deductions…making a budget and building possible savings targets. I’m VERY good at planning budgets. I’m not so great at the execution.

But back to shopping.
While I can’t shop, I CAN dream. And plan. And plot.
Next month I can shop!

What do I need?
I need work clothes. And tops. And ray bans.
Need.

This is what I’ve come up with as a realistic wish list…

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I’ve explored the Topshop website and found a really versatile black maternity tube skirt.. Great for work AND play. Great with tights AND bare legs. Perfect.
Also some dark maternity jeans can be dressed up or down and will look really good for work with colourful flats and a blouse.
I’ve picked out a loose but interesting white tshirt and a grey sleeveless top.
Everything here is versatile, dress uppable and dress downable…
And some Ray Bans. Cos I’ve been rocking the same pair of white wayfarers since 2008 and when Dan used to borrow them he made them too big and they won’t stay on my face anymore.

And that’s my wish list!
Perfect transitional, early mat wear.
Wish me luck!